Flatastic! (Or how I made it back to the great state of Kansas)

Did the "great" have a sarcastic edge to it? You be the judge.

So, I'm home again.

And it only took one five hour car ride, four frantic phone calls to my mother, and my dignity.

Lesson number one: don't give people over 70 directions. They can't understand you through their "new-fangled cellular device," they are very easily disoriented, and they are too stubborn to listen to your carefully-planned-as-so-they-don't-get-stuck-in-much-holiday-traffic-and-you-can-get-home-to-see-your-friends-because-let's-be-honest-that's-the-real-reason-you-want-to-go-home-for-Thanksgiving-so-badly directions anyway.

This is just one of the many things I learned yesterday--the day I travelled home for Thanksgiving.

My Grandmother calls me at 7 in the  morning, despite me telling her the day before that, yes, I was in fact planning on sleeping late and, if you could, please don't call me until after 9.

Anywho, I could have ignored the phone call. I could have thought, "Fuck it," and just rolled over and went back to sleep. But no.

I am a responsible adult (who went to sleep the night before at 3). I answer the phone.

Grandmother: Molly? Molly, can you hear me?
Me: Qudekadf... wha? Yuh...
Grandmother: Molly you need to speak up, sweetie. I don't think you're speaking into the receiver. You need to speak into the receiver.
Me: Nah, yah. I'm spakeh entah ma-ma-my phone. (Speech through yawning is fun!)
Grandmother: We'll be there around 4:30, okay?
Me: Okay.
Grandmother: Be ready to go at 4:30, okay?
Me: Okay.
Grandmother: Your grandfather won't be happy if you're not out there by 4:30, okay?
Me: Okay.
Grandmother: What time do we need you out there?
Me: Oh, I don't know. 7:09?
Grandmother: Molly, can you just be serious just this once? I mean, for once in your life you need to learn how to behave like an adult. Can you do that for me? Please, just during this phone call. At least pretend like you know how to act like a grown-up.
Me: Sure. 4:30. I'll be there.
Grandmother: It's nice to know you can pull it together, dear.
*Click*